When Motherhood Feels Heavy: A Real Night in Our Home

The sacred, messy, exhausting beauty of being needed.

Hi, hello. Welcome back sister and friend 🤍

I’m so grateful you’re here.

I pray this finds you well. I am well too — just in the middle of it all.

The dishes still need to be done.

The laundry is waiting to be folded.

My baby is finally sleeping.

My toddler is watching a show in his room — and I can see him from where I’m sitting on the living room couch.

This is motherhood.

Last Night Was Hard

Last night, I had a hard time calming Stevie.

For over an hour, I tried everything:

Nursing

Changing his diaper

Burping him

Adjusting his clothes

Taking off his onesie because I thought maybe he was hot

He was kicking. Crying. Overtired.

I was exhausted.

I asked my husband for help. Not because it was “his job.” But because I needed compassion. I needed someone to say, “You’re doing great. Try this.”

Instead, he said,

“I can’t help you. Go walk around with the baby. I need to work in the morning.”

And that hurt.

Normally, I might have screamed. Said something sharp back. Reacted from my overwhelm.

But this time… I stayed quiet.

Later I jokingly said,

“If you don’t change your attitude about kids, I’ll never give you another one.”

Raw. Honest. Vulnerable.

Marriage and motherhood stretch you in ways nothing else can.

The Baby Eventually Calmed Down

And then — he did calm down.

He wanted to sleep on top of me.

Sweet.

Heavy.

Uncomfortable.

Sacred.

To be needed. To be loved like that.

Oh, what a gift.

And yet — what a weight.

Motherhood Is Beautiful… And It’s Hard

I am deeply grateful for motherhood.

I am grateful to do this with my husband — who works 12+ hour days, takes care of the chickens, the property, and carries his own stress.

He struggles too.

We all do.

Relationships are hard. Parenting is hard. Doing it without nearby family support is even harder.

We don’t even have a nursery right now — and I think that might need to change. Maybe I need another place to rest. Somewhere soft to land when I am at my edge.

Sometimes the solution isn’t emotional.

Sometimes it’s practical.

If You’re Struggling Too…

You’re not alone.

Every mother has nights like this.

The crying.

The tension.

The exhaustion.

The moment where you want someone to rescue you.

And yet — we keep going.

Because love carries us.

Thank you for being here alongside me.

If this resonated with you, please subscribe to the blog. I will do my best to post daily and walk this journey together.

Comment below and share your experience — I would love to hear from you.

May the peace of God be with you at all times, my friends.

With love,

Cristina Shubin 🤍